Hello Professor,
Once again I'm sure you won't read this. But, since it's past midnight and sleep hasn't caught me yet, I'll tell you (or whomever happens upon this blog) what's currently on my mind.
3 30mg capsules of Cymbalta, 2 30mg tablets of Buspirone and 1 50mg tablet of Trazadone. Every night of every week of every year since I was 16. I've taken 6 (sometimes more) behavioral medications every night for 3 years. Just for reference that means...
42 pills in a week
168 pills in a month
2,190 pills in a year
6,570 pills since I was 16...
and no end in sight. In fact, they just INCREASED my dose of antidepressant. AND I'm still depressed. Most of the time. I have a couple good days a week, but the rest are covered in a foggy gray. It's a life of irrational thought after irrational thought, followed by a self-deprecating joke here, a self-mutilating night there. Don't get me wrong, I no longer embrace the razor, but there are nights I force myself to stay awake just so I can feel trashed the next day. I trick myself into thinking that people are what I want them to be, just so I can be disappointed when I finally recognize who they really are. What do all these pills do? They give me the strength to leave the house. They take the edge off, like a well placed shot of vodka to my psyche. And still, no end in sight. I wonder if I'll reach the 1 million mark.
Kasey
Favorites
Professor, I'm sure I'm not the student that has caught your attention enough that you would take time out of your life to actually read the rest of her blog, but just in case, here is a list of some of my favorites:
Food: Chicken. I don't eat red meat, so chicken has become my main source of protein. I can almost cook it without burning anything.
Drink: Diet Cola. I'm non-partisan when it comes to soda. I prefer Pepsi sometimes, but I really enjoy Coca-Cola. It just depends on the day.
Day of the Week: Wednesday. No explanation, I just love it.
Book: Currently, The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. I just re-read it and have once again fallen in love with her. But I will read anything. I'm absolutely voracious and have an insatiable appetite for the written word.
Movie: Currently, "Inglorious Bastards" because Quentin Terrentino is amazing.
Body Part: I'm particularly fond of my wrists. It's an odd body part to love, but really. I think my wrists are just lovely.
Band/Artist: Without question, Johnny Cash, followed by Joshua James and ending with Wilco.
Weather: Gray but warm. Anything that can personify depression and show the calming, warm, suffocating, empty, never-ending hell that it is.
Job: The Statesman, hands down.
Actory: Hugh Laurie. He's so incredibly sexy.
Kasey
Food: Chicken. I don't eat red meat, so chicken has become my main source of protein. I can almost cook it without burning anything.
Drink: Diet Cola. I'm non-partisan when it comes to soda. I prefer Pepsi sometimes, but I really enjoy Coca-Cola. It just depends on the day.
Day of the Week: Wednesday. No explanation, I just love it.
Book: Currently, The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. I just re-read it and have once again fallen in love with her. But I will read anything. I'm absolutely voracious and have an insatiable appetite for the written word.
Movie: Currently, "Inglorious Bastards" because Quentin Terrentino is amazing.
Body Part: I'm particularly fond of my wrists. It's an odd body part to love, but really. I think my wrists are just lovely.
Band/Artist: Without question, Johnny Cash, followed by Joshua James and ending with Wilco.
Weather: Gray but warm. Anything that can personify depression and show the calming, warm, suffocating, empty, never-ending hell that it is.
Job: The Statesman, hands down.
Actory: Hugh Laurie. He's so incredibly sexy.
Kasey
The Life of Me
Full Name:Kasey Van Dyke
Major:Journalism-Print/Political Science
Email:k.vandyke@aggiemail.usu.edu
Phone Number:801-710-5052
"NEVERTHELESS, I AM THE SAME IDENTICAL WOMAN"
I'm Kasey. I love school. I think it's the most amazing thing I could ever do. I've dedicated way more time to my education than to social adventures, not to say I don't have my share of sordid stories (one of which involves another student in the class and myself...naked). I am currently a full-time student, a Website Content Researcher for National Scenic Byways Online (www.byways.org), a Features Writer for the Statesman (my last story was in the paper on Monday, January 11, about the most hated jobs), and a Rhetoric Associate for the English department. I found a way to cheat the 20-hours-a-week rule at USU. I am extremely passionate about writing and journalism. I've been described by my friends as a "modern-day hippie," a title I gladly accept. I really enjoy silent protests. I think I'm too much of a peace maker to be confrontational, at least openly. I don't think I'm particularly spectacular in any way, but maybe I am. I've learned something I don't think my peers understand yet: I've learned what it's like to give up hope, engage in a battle between reality and the lies we tell ourselves and to realize that life, or the energy that makes us "be," is everlasting and ever changing. I'm under no illusion that the world is a perfect, happy, sunshine-filled Pleasantville and I prefer it that way. I probably won't speak up in class unless you actually call on me but I think you'll definitely remember me after a presentation. Ps, I like sitting on the second row by the aisle.
Kasey
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